"Big Hater" Crown Stolen

By Sam Eagle

A 'Big Hater' crown awarded to Thomas Churchwell by the censorship site calling itself "Ban, Baby, Ban" was dramatically stolen last night.

The 'Liar King,' blogger was asleep at his computer around midnight, when someone crept into his apartment and stole his crown.

"One minute it was on my head, and the next it was gone!" Churchwell cried.

Freedom Of Speech spokeswoman Judi Hamilton said, "It is disgraceful that someone like him who obviously stokes the fires of censorship had any right to win a crown in the first place."

Snatch Magazine is offering a reward to anyone having information about the crown's whereabouts. The lucky person will receive a can of harvest gold paint.

This story is a parody.

Churchwell Sought By Goolag Police

By Sam Eagle, Jr.

Thomas Churchwell, the controversial, heavy-chested cyber stalker, is being sought by members of the Goolag police, in connection with various offenses ranging from libel and threats, to falsely reporting a parody blog for TOS violations, to the less serious offense of performing a sexual act with a walnut.

The bombastic blogger, thought to be about 80, joined Goolag dot com two years ago, and 'stirred up a hornets nest' again this week by clashing swords with one of Goolag's most prolific censors, Herr Snuffy Kilborn.

The German-born censor was involved in the Breaking News parody blog murder, but after reading the blog, as it lay dying, he suddenly realized that he had been had - by Churchwell. And this, sources say, resulted in a frantic search to discover the true identity of the latter, with theories being wildly tossed around the Blogosphere.

Although the search has thus far proved fruitless, Truman Capote is the name on many lips, due to the lisping author having had the same initials as Churchwell. But literates have pointed out that Mr. Churchwell has no talent for writing. Said one, "After reading his posts, I wanted to flush them down the crapper."

Meanwhile, the search continues. Churchwell, who claims to be a magician, has been hiding out on his Wordpress hate site, obviously delighting in the mayhem he has caused.

If prosecuted, however, he faces being banned from both Goolag and Booger dot com, after undergoing a not insubstantial 'spanking punishment' from Herr Kilborn, which, doubtless, will keep him in blogging material for another decade.

This story is a parody.