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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Cops Hunt Thomas Churchwell After Bloggers Vanish

By Sam Eagle

Hate site blogger Thomas 'Tarquin' Churchwell, pictured at left, is being sought by cops after hundreds of wax figurines vanished from the National Waxed Museum in Queens County, New York.

Police sources said Churchwell was caught by surveillance cameras, as he burst into the museum after midnight and made off with wax models of well known bloggers.

"He is a desperado," a police official told The Online Report today, after emphasizing that authorities had found no sane motive behind the thefts.

"Many of the stolen attractions included waxed characters from the National Association For The Advancement Of Free Speech On The Internet (NAAFSI), and the small figure of a Hasselblad camera once owned by photographer Annie Leibovitz," he said.

Museum Curator Phillip Van Doh issued a brief statement to The Online Report. "This has all the earmarks of a Thomas Churchwell caper."

The Museum has issued a plea for the return of the memorabilia.

Thomas Churchwell is a limber 89.

This story is a parody.