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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Thomas Tarquin Churchwell Disappears

By Sam Eagle


D-List magician Thomas Churchwell has performed the most astonishing magic trick of his life: he made himself disappear.

The ubiquitous hate blogger vanished in Queens during a Spam dinner party two nights ago and has not been seen since. Forensic magicians and the cast of CSI Rockaway Beach believe Churchwell de-materialized in Queens and re-materialized in a padded cell at Bellevue Hospital, outside the jurisdiction of the law.

Sources say Churchwell has been angry since being ordered to vacate his government-subsidized apartment in May. An Order To Vacate was handed down by the Queens County Housing Court, but has not been enforced.

A wannabe magic headliner, Churchwell has been seeking out attractive young women with blogs, inviting them to be his friend, and repaying them with libel. This nasty little trick requires no magic, just hate and a full-blown psychosis.

During his tricky career, Thomas Churchwell made many things, such as the wallets of unsuspecting patrons in bars, disappear before their very eyes. And now, with his sanity and freedom in jeopardy, he has performed the ultimate disappearing magic trick. He made himself disappear.


This story is a parody. Mr. Churchwell has not disappeared.