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Thursday, March 19, 2009

Thomas Churchwell Rushed To Hospital

By Sammy Eagle

Thomas Churchwell is in the news again, for crying out loud. Sources confirm the long time hate blogger was rushed to the hospital today.

Churchwell, who has been embroiled in controversy over online threats he made to murder Scarlett, a prominent blogger, was operated on to pry his fingers from his computer.

"It was a close call. Thomas was suffering from hate finger syndrome. We were able to operate on him, and probably saved the blogosphere," said ear, nose and finger surgeon, Ken Banish. "He might recover if he wears mittens from now on."

Cyber security expert John Truman said, "This has become a real problem for the blogosphere. In such an anonymous climate, where a blogger like Thomas Churchwell doesn't stick to the rules of common decency, he can get into real trouble. His death threats put him way out in front of other haters and that led to an acute attack of the syndrome."

Mr. Churchwell is resting comfortably in prison. Dr. Banish noted that gangrene of the fingers is always a possibility in cases like these. He added the prisoner's jaw has been wired shut, until he regains his self control.