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Friday, October 17, 2008

Comedian To Write "Commencement Day" Address

By Sammy Eagle

After 27 false starts, 28 failed drafts and "more than a bucketful of vomit resulting from Susan Newton's recent meltdown" Thomas Tarquin Churchwell finally threw up his hands, phoned Jay Leno and asked the late night comedian if HE could write his Blog Commencement Day Address.

Sources say that Leno and his team of writers accepted the challenge and are now noses to the grindstone perfecting Thomas Tarquin Churchwell's Blog Commencement Day Address, to be delivered by Leno himself on the Breaking News parody blog.

Initial drafts written by Churchwell included promises to stop blogging IMMEDIATELY while simultaneously vowing to blog FOREVER.

"I got confused. I just could NOT get the whole commencement thing to gel," Churchwell told reporters. "After the 28th draft, I gave up! That's when I remembered Jay Leno's team used to write goodbye speeches, so I had my new custodian give Jay a ring."

Leno, speaking with reporters, said, "This one's going to be a total riot, folks. I suggest you don't miss TIVO'ing it."

Bloggers are expressing JOY, but Churchwell says he's open to taking a few jabs, as long as Mr. Leno tries to convince everyone that Churchwell is a misunderstood artist never meaning any harm.

All of Blogland is invited to attend.

Editor's note: The Breaking News blog was slain, before commencement ceremonies could take place.

Mr. Churchwell does not know Jay Leno.