A programmer at Booger dot com tried to kill the Breaking News parody blog and admitted that he was obeying orders from a crazed blogger known as 'The Special One,' according to a police statement issued today:"At first the suspect wept and told us that this 'Special One' would deal with him severely if he said anything. We had to read Thomas Churchwell's blog to him over and over again to get him to crack. What he had to say was of great interest to us."
It emerged that the suspect, whose screen name is 'boofromboise', received more than a thousand emails from 'The Special One' last summer, insisting that he destroy the Breaking News parody blog. When the suspect politely asked him to stop writing him, he was taken via a web cam to a dim, underground site, then left alone with 'The Special One' who sat on a yellow throne.
"I never saw his face. All I could see were crusty tattooed fingers on the arm of the throne. He said "Hiya, dummy, I've been expecting you."
'The Special One' then proceeded to outline his plan for killing the Breaking News parody blog, which included "anonymous threats and lying his head off to Goolag dot com and to Booger dot com." He implied that if the suspect didn't follow his orders, there would be hell to pay.
"He said I'd be sorry. What did he mean, you ask? I don't know! I assumed he would do to me whatever he was doing to the author of that blog. Anyway, I didn't get the job done and now I'm in deep trouble." Unaware that the Breaking News blog was slain last November, his teeth began to chatter. "This 'Special One' said laws were for suckers. He whined a lot, and he had an immense hatred of ladies! He mentioned something about world blog domination - I can't remember all of what he said...I was paralyzed with fear."
Police say the suspect refused to reveal more and begged to be locked in a prison for his own safety.
When asked by reporters if he had invented the 'Special One' story, he shook his head and said earnestly: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn't exist."
It emerged that the suspect, whose screen name is 'boofromboise', received more than a thousand emails from 'The Special One' last summer, insisting that he destroy the Breaking News parody blog. When the suspect politely asked him to stop writing him, he was taken via a web cam to a dim, underground site, then left alone with 'The Special One' who sat on a yellow throne.
"I never saw his face. All I could see were crusty tattooed fingers on the arm of the throne. He said "Hiya, dummy, I've been expecting you."
'The Special One' then proceeded to outline his plan for killing the Breaking News parody blog, which included "anonymous threats and lying his head off to Goolag dot com and to Booger dot com." He implied that if the suspect didn't follow his orders, there would be hell to pay.
"He said I'd be sorry. What did he mean, you ask? I don't know! I assumed he would do to me whatever he was doing to the author of that blog. Anyway, I didn't get the job done and now I'm in deep trouble." Unaware that the Breaking News blog was slain last November, his teeth began to chatter. "This 'Special One' said laws were for suckers. He whined a lot, and he had an immense hatred of ladies! He mentioned something about world blog domination - I can't remember all of what he said...I was paralyzed with fear."
Police say the suspect refused to reveal more and begged to be locked in a prison for his own safety.
When asked by reporters if he had invented the 'Special One' story, he shook his head and said earnestly: "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn't exist."
This story is a parody.
