Washington- The world's oldest hater, according to the Guinness Book of Accurate Records, has died at age 104.Clem Sickel had only recently become the world's oldest hater, after the death of Adolpho Ricardo Del Toreador at age 106 last month.
Assuming the new title will be habitual liar and lifelong hater Thomas Churchwell, 96, of Queens, New York.
Mr. Sickel defied the traditional picture of old age and looked even older (photo at left). In an interview given shortly before his death, he was asked how he retained his decrepit appearance.
"First and most important, NEVER do any exercise!" he screamed. "When you are born, you are given a set number of heartbeats. After they run out, you die. When you exercise, your heart beats faster and you use up all the beats.”
Also, he continued," I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. The tar that coats my lungs prevents the oxygen I breathe from rusting out my pipes.”
“Third, NEVER go outside. NEVER!"
“And, finally," he said, "hating the WORLD keeps my brain cells firing like rockets!”
Mr. Sickel's formula for longevity seems to defy everything we've been told, but who can say? He made it to 104...and, for a hater, that is really something.
This story is a parody.
