By Sam 'Mistletoe' Eagle
Ubiquitous hate blogger Thomas Churchwell, pictured at left, is set to release a Christmas CD recorded in bluegrass style.
Teaming with the late Homer 'Banjo' Pickens and recording most of the album in the blue hills of Kentucky, Churchwell is planning to perform some of the classics but will create a few new titles on his own.
Churchwell's spokeswoman Lotta Poope told reporters, "After a couple of months down there, Thomas mellowed right out. His creative juices really began to flow!"
Ubiquitous hate blogger Thomas Churchwell, pictured at left, is set to release a Christmas CD recorded in bluegrass style.Teaming with the late Homer 'Banjo' Pickens and recording most of the album in the blue hills of Kentucky, Churchwell is planning to perform some of the classics but will create a few new titles on his own.
Churchwell's spokeswoman Lotta Poope told reporters, "After a couple of months down there, Thomas mellowed right out. His creative juices really began to flow!"
Covering old standards like "Jingle Bells" and "I Saw Mommy Riding Santa Claus," Churchwell will add four new original cuts to the album. Replacing the lyrics to "Sleigh Ride," Churchwell's version, titled "Slay Ride," is about a bearded blogger who slays sleigh riders while yodeling. The X-rated "Rudolph the Red-A**ed Reindeer" is not for the squeamish, and sure to be booed by young and old alike is "Frosty The Censor Man." Finally, "Have Myself A Merry Little Christmas" replaces wishes for yuletide sharing, with dreams of wiping out every blog on the Internet (except his own).
Poope said, "It's a different kind of holiday album, a bit off center, but so is Thomas! It's the perfect album to kick back with a tall glass of Bourbon and watch the lights blinking on the tree."
This story is a parody.
