This story is a parody.
UN Very Special Envoy, Hollywood Star, and Compulsive Adopter Angelina Jolie is en route to New York to adopt Thomas Churchwell, star of countless hate blogs.
The Blogosphere is teaming today with thousands of satirists waving signs that read, "Freedom of Speech Is Guaranteed Under The First Amendment!"
The Breaking News blog, a law-abiding parody and satire blog, was spotted curled up and gasping for air in a park.
"I saw this object in the corner of the park," said the park supervisor, "and it was gasping. I could hear sobs. I couldn't see anything and was about to walk away when, out the corner of my eye, I noticed a little computer screen. It had eyes and a mouth and all, and it was crying."
The harrowing ordeal is thought to have occurred two weeks ago. A forensic expert on the scene told the Online Report, "The blog had all the characteristics of having been viciously libeled and beaten up. Early indications show that it was the work of a cyber bully."
Sources say that the prime suspect in the attack is blogger Thomas Churchwell, who publicly expressed a keen liking for the Breaking News blog, but who has written much hate about it.
The blog was ashen, but was brave enough to give us a comment.
"All I want to do is to help make blogging a safe experience for women," said the blog. "The general climate on the Web is awful to women. There's too much bullying and libel and hate sanctioned by blogging hosts like Google who look the other way. It's little wonder there are monsters who would do this."
The blog, only 8 months old, has a very good point.
Brememhoff, Germany- A cat is believed to be channeling the mind of notorious cyber bully Thomas Churchwell. Suspicions began when the cat randomly attacked bloggers in an Internet cafe.
Thomas Churchwell, taking a short break from hate blogging, has denied rumors that he had an affair with Casper the Ghost. "I adamantly deny that I have ever had anything to do with Casper in anything other than a paranormal experience!" Churchwell said.
In another example of old man/younger woman relationships, 75-year-old Thomas "Boom Boom" Churchwell, of Queens, New York is set to wed 21-year-old Britney Implantz, of Queens, next month. It's a stunning reversal for Churchwell, who has been holed up in the one-room apartment he refused to vacate after being served with eviction papers last May.
High powered Queens, New York publicist, Lotta Poope, announced today that she is the new spokesperson for Thomas Churchwell, AKA Tarquin Churchwell, and Thomas "Boom Boom" Crimewell.
May 18, 2018. A New York judge has ordered the release of Thomas Tarquin Churchwell from prison. Churchwell, pictured at left, was serving a life sentence after he was convicted of 686,000 counts of libel against men, women and children almost 10 years ago.
Child pornography obsessor, Thomas Churchwell, AKA Tarquin Churchwell, has posted sexual slurs against another blogger, The Online Report learned today.
World famous hate blogger, Tarquin Thomas Churchwell, also known to his legion of cyber victims as Thomas Churchwell, The Amazing Tarquin, Photoartist 6, Tommy Boy, etc, announced today that he is dropping all of his 48 screen names.The teaser announcement came as reports surfaced of Churchwell publishing dozens of libel rants in which he accused a blogger of writing pornography. Noting that his recent writings have contained more vitriol than usual, sources speculate Churchwell wanted to go out with a bang before shedding his tarnished names.
Chronic phone sex obsessor, Thomas Tarquin Churchwell, announced today that he will release the "Sexergate Papers."