The Name Game

By Sam Eagle

World famous hate blogger, Tarquin Thomas Churchwell, also known to his legion of cyber victims as Thomas Churchwell, The Amazing Tarquin, Photoartist 6, Tommy Boy, etc, announced today that he is dropping all of his 48 screen names.

"He wants to ditch 'em and start fresh," said a source in the Churchwell camp, who wore a stocking over his face for this interview.

The teaser announcement came as reports surfaced of Churchwell publishing dozens of libel rants in which he accused a blogger of writing pornography. Noting that his recent writings have contained more vitriol than usual, sources speculate Churchwell wanted to go out with a bang before shedding his tarnished names.

When asked if he had chosen a new screen alias, Churchwell reportedly said, "You'll have to ask my ex-girlfriend Miss Nipples about that."

This story is a parody. Mr. Churchwell has only 42 names.

Tarquin Churchwell to Release The Sexergate Papers

By Sam Eagle

Chronic phone sex obsessor, Thomas Tarquin Churchwell, announced today that he will release the "Sexergate Papers."

Churchwell's publicist, wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, agreed to be interviewed on the condition that his identity not be revealed. "You can call me Deepest Throat," he croaked.

Deepest Throat confirmed that Churchwell is set to release the Sexergate Papers. "Tarquin is pounding on his computer day and night," he told The Online Report.

Sources close to the investigation say the first of the Sexergate transcripts will be published online this week.

Reaction in Blog Land has been wildly mixed, ranging from cheers of excitement to moaning and yawns.

Mr. Churchwell does not have a publicist who wears an orange prison jumpsuit.

Tarquin Churchwell Slams Another Blogger

by Sam Eagle

As if cyberspace wasn't creepy enough, ubiquitous blogger Tarquin Churchwell, has been posting lies about another blogger's age. 

The bewildered target of Mr. Churchwell's rants is Ms. Scarlett, who Churchwell has been calling a "wrinkled old hag" and "life sucking sap"

Scarlett released a statement through her spokesperson, saying: "What I should be doing is celebrating the holiday season with the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with Tarquin's malicious lies. I know how young I am, and so do my friends and family. And like all women my age, I love being thirty-something."

When asked to comment on his latest brush with libel, the feeble Churchwell (reports have listed his age as anywhere between 60 and 89) cried, "I hate women!"